jenthinks

all sense of motivation.

I was sitting a little past the middle of the bus, right next to the window. It was so packed that people were crowding the isle. Somehow I always manage to keep my mind busy by strategizing exactly what I am about to do, like in this case, managing to get off the bus. The girl next to me was obviously the first physical obstacle to get around. Being blocked in is just the sacrifice of a window seat. Either this would be easy because she’d be getting up for the same stop or I’d have to try to climb over her to get out if she wasn’t going to stand up to let me out. The bus pulls up to my stop. Is this her stop? No. She notices me starting to get up and she quickly tries to maneuver out of my way but it is more complicated with the mix of some people standing in the isle trying to find a seat and others elbowing their way through, trying to get to the exit. I’m trying to weave passed the crowds and it appears that I am the last one to exit.

As I approach the rear exit door, I think for a split second how that had taken a really long time and what the chances are that the doors will close, preventing me from getting off the bus. What a coincidence that just as I am midway through the doors, they begin to close. It all happened so fast. There I was with an arm and a leg stuck in the doorway. I thought to myself, maybe I can push the doors open and force my way out. I quickly realized that I had greatly underestimated the strength of those doors when I tried to push on them as hard as I could and they wouldn’t even budge. So I decide to do the opposite, I tried to pull myself back in but that didn’t really work so well either. I had to think quickly because this was starting to feel like forever and not to forget that the bus is packed. I wondered how many people were watching. I didn’t have time to look up at their gazes. There was a full audience and I had to save what remaining dignity I had left without drawing any extra attention to my predicament. It was too late for that. If I didn’t act fast, the bus would take off with me still stuck in the doorway. In desperation, I start hollering towards the front of the bus, trying to get the bus driver’s attention. I look at her face in the gigantic rear view mirror as she turns her attention towards the mirror and sees me stuck in the door. She opens it and I jump out as fast as I can. I was finally free and incredibly embarrassed so I take off walking as fast as I can to get away from the bus and all of those people on it who saw me. As I was walking, my embarrassment turned more into anger towards the bus driver. How could she not see me trying to get off the bus? Why did it take her so long to realize I was stuck? 

            I called my dad and ranted about all that had happened. Trying to cheer me up, the said that it probably happens all the time and that I was not the only one it has ever happened to. I thought to myself yeah, right. No, it really is something that would only happen to me. It was just my luck, or in this case, lack thereof. Not really feeling any less embarrassed and still reluctant to brush of the incident, I swore off ever riding the bus again in my fury. Unfortunately, this plan wasn’t really feasible and thus only lasted as long as the remainder of the day.

The next day, I strategically sat towards the back of the bus, trying to keep a low profile in case any of the people who witnessed yesterday’s embarrassment were on board and to most importantly be as close to the rear exit door so that I could exit with ease and prevent a possible repeat. The bus pulled up to the stop just before mine and I watched as people scurried off the bus. All of a sudden I see the last person trying to exit. To my surprise, the doors closed on her and she got stuck in the door, just like how I did. I knew exactly how she felt and watching her, I now knew how ridiculous and helpless I must have looked. I also realized that although it had felt like forever being trapped between the doors, in reality, it was only a matter of seconds and most people on the bus are so oblivious to their surroundings, staring out the windows and off into space. The bus driver let her out and I realized how silly I was for overemphasizing such a trivial matter. My dad was right; it does happen to other people. I’m not the only one.

i’m taking a screenwriting class this quarter! (aside from all my chem classes).

hopefully this will be a nice break and stress-reliever instead of a time-drainer.

i’ve decided to post all my drafts on here so i can get the ideas to flow easily without any pressure of a finalized word document. let’s see how this goes!

note to self: do a background check on everything.

Just when I nearly forget about you because of my busy school schedule, lacking any time or energy to think about you, you manage to creep back into my life. I haven’t even been able to keep up my tumblr and many dreams have gone unlogged because I am just too tired to do so… until now.

A couple nights ago I went to sleep early (10:00pm) because after many nights averaging 1 hour of sleep from writing lab reports and studying for midterms, I was exhausted. Conveniently, that was. The same night you both decided to visit my apartment. My roommate spilled details the following morning, saying how you dropped by to see me and that you guys missed hanging out with me. You guys even asked if I hated you because I defriended you on Facebook not once, but twice. I guess you did end up telling him what I thought I made clear to you what I didn’t want him to know. It’s expected though so I am not too surprised.
Don’t you understand? If I am trying to get over you, why would I want to see you all overt newsfeed or have the ability to stalk you on your page. I’d rather save myself the trouble and prevent myself by cutting off all access. So much simpler. Why make myself struggle even more? I guess it hurt you guys but it hurts me even more. I’m the one who got rejected!
Stupid me decided to text you. You didn’t even respond. How does that make me feel? Even worse and confused. Why reach out to me by trying to drop by unannounced but then when I reach out to you, I get nothing? What is this twisted game? Just leave me alone! I was already in tears just last night. I am not letting this old can of worms open up again.

I’ve neglected you (like other areas of my life). Don’t worry, we will soon be reunited. I have some updates for you but don’t get your hopes up. There hasn’t been too much progress.
Til then, I will be much longing to see your dashboard face so I can lay upon thee a big juicy post.

that this quarter will kill me.

am i really crazy for taking 2 labs in 1 quarter??

i just need to be more serious and staying busy everyday will keep me from slacking off. right?

blood, sweat, and tears. blood sweat, and tears.

this morning one of my roommates mentioned that i was talking in my sleep last night and the night before! she said it was pretty clear but she doesn’t remember what i was saying.

…

=/

hopefully nothing embarrassing! yikes.